April ‘18 Book Club: The Way of the Superior Man (by David Deida)

Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.

Don’t Let the Title Turn You Off!

Yes, half of the population probably hates the sound of the title, and the other half would be scared of being seen while reading it, but there’s a few things that should be pointed out right away.

1) This isn’t a book only for men (though it is written with heterosexual male pronouns); it is a book about masculine and feminine energy in modern society and its effect on romantic relationships (among other things).

Until fairly recently, modern roles for men and women were fixed and separated. Men were supposed to go out and earn money. Women were supposed to stay home and take care of the kids. Men often manipulated their women through physical and financial dominance and threat. Women often manipulated their men through emotional and sexual strokes and stabs. The typical and extreme caricatures of this previous time are the macho jerk and the submissive housewife. If you are reading this book, you have probably outgrown this first stage of sexual identity. Or at least you can smile about it.

Next came (and is still coming) a stage in which men and women both sought to balance their inner masculine and feminine energies toward “50/ 50,” becoming more like one another. For instance, in the United States in the 1960s, men began to emphasize their inner feminine. They learned to go with the flow. They let go of their rigid, one-dimensional masculine stance and embraced long hair, colorful clothes, nature, music, and a more carefree and sensual lifestyle, all means of embellishing or magnifying radiance, energy, and the abundant force of life—magnifying the feminine.

Meanwhile, many women were doing just the opposite. They were magnifying their inner masculine, which, at the level of human character, appears as direction, or clarity of purpose, and vision. Women gained financial and political independence. They strengthened their careers, focused more on personal long term goals, went to school in increasing numbers for advanced degrees, and learned to be more assertive in their needs and desires.

Chances are, if you are reading this book, you are more balanced than your parents were. If you are a woman, you are probably more independent and assertive than your mother was. If you are a man, you are probably more emotionally expressive and open-minded than your father was. Or, at least such qualities seem acceptable to you, even if you don’t express them yourself. Remember, not that many years ago, a man who got his hair styled or a woman who wore a business suit was often considered suspect.

It was a good thing, as time progressed, for men to embrace their inner feminine and women to embrace their inner masculine. They became less fragmented and more whole in the process. They became less dependent on each other: men could, indeed, change diapers, and women were completely capable of emptying the mouse traps. Macho men became more loose and feeling. Submissive housewives became more independent and directed. In terms of social roles, men and women became more similar. This was an improvement for everyone.

But this 50/ 50 stage is only a second and intermediate stage of growth for men and women, not an endpoint. Side effects of this trend toward sexual similarity can be seen as a major cause of today’s unhappiness in intimacy. The trend toward 50/ 50 has resulted in economic and social equality, but also in sexual neutrality. Bank accounts are balancing while passions are fizzling out. Men are less macho while sex and violence continue to increase on TV and in the movies. Women are more in control of their economic destiny while they go in increasing numbers to therapists and doctors to cope with stress related dis-ease. Why is this happening?

2) This book isn’t about being superior to other men, rather to yourself. It’s about finding your purpose, identifying fears, and living at your edge.

If you were absolutely fearless, would you be earning a living in exactly the same way as you are now? Your edge is where you stop short, or where you compromise your fullest gift, and, instead, cater to your fears… Your fear is the sharpest definition of your self. You should know it. You should feel it virtually constantly. Fear needs to become your friend, so that you are no longer uncomfortable with it.

3) “Mastering” the challenges of women (as the sub-title suggests) isn’t about manipulating, tricking, or “winning” them, but understanding yourself and the masculine/feminine energy, and how the polarity between these energies is what drives the liveliness of a relationship.

Like the ocean, the native state of the feminine is to flow with great power and no single direction. The masculine builds canals, dams, and boats to unite with the power of the feminine ocean and go from point A to point B. But the feminine moves in many directions at once. The masculine chooses a single goal and moves in that direction. Like a ship cutting through a vast ocean, the masculine decides on a course and navigates the direction: the feminine energy itself is undirected but immense, like the wind and deep currents of the ocean, ever changing, beautiful, destructive, and the source of life.

This has been a life-changing read, in all good ways. I am very grateful it found its way into my hands (well, onto my Kindle) and would go as far as to say that it should be required reading for anyone in their 20’s. I look forward to seeing the direction that this club takes, and am excited that this is book numero uno.

Want in? Drop me a line, tell me why, and you’re in


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